Kuulutasin sügise enda omaks. Pesin põrandaid korteris, ostsin sinise päeviku ja sõitsin Tartusse Kristiina Ehini loengut kuulama. Tagasiteel sain rongis tuttavaks Juliuse nimelise poisiga. Ta on veidi hullumeelne, käisime taskulambivalgel saiaga kalu toitmas öösel.

"People shouldn’t have to earn kindness. They should have to earn cruelty.'

I thought, suddenly, of how this conversation would have gone down differently with Isabel here. She would’ve disagreed. But that was because, with Isabel, cruelty and kindness were sometimes the same thing." 
— Maggie Stiefvater 

I'll be the one who'll break my heart.

"We never taste happiness in perfection.."

"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid."

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/13290101/?claim=6sczz7e8vre">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Nothing rhymes with orange

“You just go a little crazy, you know. Sometimes. And why? Well only because your soul is just too big for you, it flies away somehow.”

― C. JoyBell C.

Me ööd on nii valged ja kuluvad ruttu,..

... et linalakneidu sa püüda ei saa.

Sweet Pea

Have you ever wondered why
You fill your head with noise?
Why you run away
From that quiet room in your mind?
And have you ever wondered 
That maybe you fill yourself with noise
To drain out the silence of
Your loneliness?
Because maybe that’s it
When all is quiet and still
You can hear your loneliness
It sounds like echoes
Echoes that go on and on
Bouncing off of walls
Because only the walls are there
To listen
But when your mind is filled with 
All the noises that you so expertly
Feed it with,
You can’t hear the echoes
You forget the walls
There is no loneliness
Is there?
It’s gone
Isn’t it?


But I want you to stay for a while
In that place
Where there are only walls
And echoes
Because I will give you seeds
Of sunflowers
And you will plant them
And they will grow and call to the Sun
And the Sun will rub on the ceiling
Then the ceiling will turn to dust
And I will give you seeds
Of climbing New Dawn Roses
And they will grow into the cracks
Of the walls around you
And they will push those cracks apart
The walls will first squeak and splinter
Then they will become crooked
Then they will shake and fall down
There you will stand
In the middle of sunflowers
And roses
No more echoes
No more walls
But you have to stay for a while
In that silence
Long enough to plant seeds and
Wait for them to grow
They will grow
The walls will fall down
But don’t run away from the quiet
Don’t fill your mind with noise
Listen to the sound of the seeds
As I scatter them onto the ground
It will sound like your heartbeat
Follow it on the way inside


― C. JoyBell C.

“But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin.” 

― Mitch Albom, For One More Day

Little Egypt

"It is like drawing with your sewing machine.."

one happy angry bird

500 more

 Mõte hommikusest Tartu-Tallinn rongist..

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life."

― Elizabeth Gilbert

drinking pink rabbits

Vot sellist tantsu õpime hetkel,
ma loodan, et treener ei pahanda,
kui selle siia panen: https://www.dropbox.com/s/m4mpqh5fdxpa7lp/Baladi%20muusikaga%201_L.mp4?dl=0
Mulle lihtsalt väga meeldib.

Urban urges

"Vali 1 pilt, mis kirjeldab kõige edukamalt, kuidas sa end hetkel tunned."

Peaksin täiega magama praegu.

The city takes a breath on Sunday..

Täna sadas esimest kevadvihma. Hommik oli soe, tänavad olid päikesetolmused. Pärastlõunal matavad piisad selle enda alla, juuksed hakkavad lõhnama nagu šampoon ja asfalt lõhnab nagu igatsus, nina külmetab, aga põsed on soojad. Tüdruk oranži mantliga mängib tunnelis viiulit, kostab nagu kauge mäletus kevadistest muusikaajaloo tundidest gümnaasiumis, kus me vahel lihtsalt kuulasime aknad lahti, kõlarid põhjas.

Jah, linnas tuleb kevad teisiti. Raskemalt. See teeb januseks, nagu tahaks sisse hingata mulle mulliveest. Tekib tunne, et kohe ja nüüd on vaja seista mõne vana puitmaja räästa alla ja lasta roostes vihmal sadada valge krae vahele, endast läbi, kingadesse ja kotti, kus imbuksid läbi kõik konspektid, joonised, skeemid. Inimeste nägudel on väsimus, aga värskem väsimus, nad justkui oleksid oksi ja lehti vedanud käruga maakodus terve laupäeva, et murulibled hingata saaks. Ületan punasega teid ja muigan, nii kaua siis läkski, et ma omal moel linnastuksin. Ostan kotitäie kollaseid ploome, lennutan koduteel kilekotti käes ja koju jõudes pean kõik lömastunud korraga ära sööma. Söön neid lõhkiseid ploome ja arutlen, et kui ma kevade puhul kedagi suudelda otsustaks, siis kas ma mäletaksin, kuidas. Ploom igatahes ei reageeri mu püüdlusele. Hakkan kirjutama kirjatöid, mis kuidagi ei suju, kuni tulen siia ja panen kõik kirja, peatumata. Hingan välja selle talve. Aga kui nüüd aknast välja vaatan, siis on meile uuesti saabunud üks külm märtsikuu öö..

“Its not always necessary to be strong, but to feel strong.” J. K

Äge psühhoos hallutsinatsioonidega - ma räägin reaalselt mitte eksisteeriva kassiga. 
Paranoia - ma kardan liigselt lobiseda kassi kuuldes. 
Skisofreenia - kass räägib minu sees. 
...

Noble art of Divination

Ajasin just teed maha.

“She turned to the sunlight
    And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
    "Winter is dead.” 

― A.A. Milne, When We Were Very Young

50 shades they said

2014

Üritasin pikalt kirjutada midagi, mis võtaks aasta kokku.

Aga see polnud eriti lihtne.

Niiet ma lähenen teisest küljest, äkki keegi leiab midagi põnevat endale siit. 

2014 

raised by swans - Öxnadalur

Audrey Fall - Mitau

Jack White - Lazaretto

Dry the River - Alarms in the Heart

Damien Rice - My Favourite Faded Fantasy

The Twilight Sad - Nobody Wants to Be Here and Nobody Wants to Go Away

Interpol - El Pintor

Royal Blood - Royal Blood

Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra - Fuck Off Get Free We Pour Light On Everything 

Temples - Sun Structures

I Wear* Experiment - Crickets Empire III EP

Mogwai - Music Industry 3. Fitness Industry 1. EP

Märkimist väärivad ka:

Alvvays - Alvvays

U2 - Songs of Innocence

This Will Destroy You - Another Language

Alt-J - This is all Yours

Spoon - They Want My Soul

Sia - 1000 Forms Of Fear

The Jezabels - The Brink

Lana Del Ray - Ultraviolence

Pannes oma lemmikud siia kokku, hakkas mulle silma midagi põnevat. Nii palju käsi! Sümbol. Põnev.